Anonymous said: Have you ever been in love? How did it happen and What was/is it like?
Okay, this is a weird topic for me to talk about, because although i’m very open in my writing; i’m very, very shy about the affairs of my heart. i usually have to be very close/comfortable for me to talk about my feelings, especially romantically. But I’m trying to be open and honest, so i’ll share a little with you.
When I was a teen, I was completely and utterly mesmerised by the same person for over four years. And it was the most innocent of feelings. The kind that crept up and smacked you in the face one day and this person, who was your friend, suddenly meant so much more.
And it rocked me to my core. I was petrified! I was so young and so innocent. So fragile. Terrified of what it all meant and so afraid that he would never feel the same way, terrified even that he would and so I swallowed it. And I kept swallowing it. And suddenly years had passed and eventually we lost touch and I found myself thinking about him, even then. Even after not seeing him for so long.
I underestimated, what I felt. What it was. I never had enough conviction in myself and my feelings then. My worth. My beauty. My ability to be loved. Sometimes I still don’t.
But I think back now and I smile. Because I don’t think I have ever cared so ardently for anyone before, or since. So purely. From a place of friendship to pure admiration. His character. His appearance. I am grateful to know, that I could feel that way. That I did.
But I wasn’t brave.
I wasn’t brave at all.